Marty: Part One

There once was an aphid called Marty who lived in a bush on the edge of the park.

One day Marty wondered why it was he found the sap out of plants so darn tasty...

"Mmm" he thought to himself, "I wonder if I only like this bush because I have never tried anything else? I mean what about all those other cool looking things I can see from here, I bet some of them must be tasty."

So off Marty hopped from his bush and flew off (he was priviledged to be one of the minority species of aphids that have wings, most do not).

As he was going along he got a bit tired and decided to take a rest on a pebble next to a flower bed...

"Excuse me!" exclaimed the pebble.

"Who said that" quavered Marty, for indeed he had not been so priviledged to have conversed with a pebble before. Not that he was unacustomed to making light conversation with pebbles, one of his best friends was Bob the Rock, who lived underneath his home the bush. But in as long as he could remember Marty had never known Bob the Rock to speak back when he had been talking to him, only giving knowing glances and looking contemplative. Marty often told Bob he would make a great psychiatrist, as he was such a great listener, but Bob was clearly embarrased by this suggestion for he said nothing in response, as he was a very modest rock.

"Ahem!" coughed the rock, disturbing Marty's trail of thought. "You are sitting on me, please can you sit on something else."

"I am sorry" Marty apologised, "I didn't think rocks minded being sat on, even if you are a little rock like yourself."

"I am not a rock" said the rock.

"I am Fred the Snail" said the rock, who was not in fact a rock, but was Fred the Snail.

Marty was bewildered... until a slimy head poked its way from under the rock, which had somehow magically (Marty would work out the logistics of this later, but for the time being 'magic' would have to suffice for explanation) turned into a snail. Or so Marty thought with his little aphiddy brain of his, which was never designed to think too much about such things as what to do when you think something is one thing, and in fact it is quite another.

"Wonderful!" exclaimed Marty. "You look like a wise animal, I was wondering. For brunch I was eating some sap, and it struck me that it was delicious. Then it struck me that I thought it was delicious. Then it struck me that perhaps I didn't think it was delicious, I simply could not tell as I had never eaten anything else ever in my entire life." Marty paused to allow the profoundness of his words take effect. He could see Fred was stunned. Either that or Fred was choking on the old leaf he was now eating. But Marty was certain he was in fact stunned and he did a little aphiddy dance of joy. Yes he did indeed be bobbed from one leg to the other and as he did he hummed a little tune "MMMmmmmMEMEMEMMmmsmmmeme a haha!" Hmm all the bobbing and singing, reminded him of his friend Bob, who neither bobbed or sang, but was called Bob all the same.

"Hey stop with the jigging you little sprite" Fred mumbled through mouthfuls of mush.

Marty resumed. "I say good fellow, I see you are munching a sort of brown mulch there. Is it tasty?"

Fred swallowed. "Yes, most palatable."

"Tell me," Marty coaxed, "What is that you are eating? For I declare, maybe in this brown mulch lies the key to the universal question, that being 'is sap delicious?' For if that brown much were to be delicious, then why! perhaps sap is not delicious at all!"

"Well," pondered Fred, "most other snails prefer the fresher stuff, you know to eat the occasional bush and so, flowers especially. But these days there seem to be these funny little green pebbles that sit at the bottom of all our favourite eating spots. They are little round thingies and they are bright green, and there have been a number of casualties when some other snails have attempted to eat them. Blast those little round things! We try not to eat them, but they look so darn tasty." Fred took a moment to compose himself, but could not "Ooooooooooooooooooooooo" he wailed "why do they look so tasty! so round and tasty. Mmm. So now we have to avoid the bushes and plants because if we don't and we go near the green pebbles we will die."

Marty was shocked, he stopped his jig, and he wept. "That is tragic, so tragically tragiculous for a mollusc."

But Marty had to ask, "So if you can't eat the green pebbles, and they stop you eating plants, what can you eat?"

"Ah!" Fred brigtened up a bit, "I eat detritus! And it is delicious."

"Detritus?" Marty questioned, "what is that?"

Fred liked being asked questions so he answered, "detritus, is what you say, leaf litter. It is the remains of old plants that is in the process of decomposition, and is therfore most matured in flavour, ney almost nutty! And it is wonderfully wonderfully delicious."

Marty was now so excited he hopped of of Fred's back and began poking at the mulch Fred was eating. But O! the horror! the shame! Marty being an aphid had no teeth, only a proboscis with which to suck the sap out of plants, and therfore it was impossible for him to munch at the mulch like Fred was. So in order not to lose face he sort of slurped at it a bit where it was sort of damp...

"EUUUGH!" Marty wreched, "that is disgusting! It taste's like mank. Its all gritty and horrible too."

"Well I'm sorry but you are clearly wrong" Fred retorted defensively, "it is in fact a very nice piece of mank I will have you know."

Marty looked forlornly at the brown mank, and sighed. "I am sorry," he said, "I did not mean to offend you. I am sure that leaf litter is most delicious if you are a snail, but I am a young aphid and my tastes are not as matured as your own and I simply cannot apreciate the culinary greatness of decomposed matter."

Fred looked at Marty, and saw he meant it, and took pity on the poor little sprite. "I suppose it is an acquired taste, I am sorry I was so moody about it."

"That's ok" Marty gestured, "but now I must be off as I have a long quest before me to find the answer to the univesal question, that being - 'is sap delicious?' So I will bid you good day, and shall leave you in peace."

And with that Marty flew off, as Fred waved a tentacle folornly as he saw his little jigging sprite of a friend bumble off into the distance. But he was soon consoled by another delicious mouthful of detritus.